Category Archives: Pirates

Pop Culture Careers: But I don’t wanna be a Pirate!

I think we all have our dreams of what we would really do if we had unlimited time, resources, and could get out of our own way. The alternative to the 9-5, clock-in, clock-out, wax on, whack-off routine we often surmise is periliously close to insanity while in a world full of inept managers and co-whacker sycophants. Instead, we sit down at night, and maybe check out what our alter ego lives might be – if we understand those boobs aren’t real either, and their acting chops aren’t necessarily all that. But these are a few of the work situations I wanted to be in for a while:

Lawyer. It isn’t very droll to be a man of the law. To seek out the truth, Perry Mason style, and get your killer to breakdown on the stand in front of millions of people. But Raymond Burr did it for a long, long time – longest in history. He did it so well, that the Oz man (Ozzy Osbourne) cut “Perry Mason” in tribute.

Who Can We Get On The Case?
We Need Perry Mason
Someone To Put You In Place
Calling Perry Mason Again, Again

ER Doctor. There’s a long history of putting medical shows on the tube – to increase awareness of how hard these people work, and their lives on the front lines of tragedy, technology and dating gymnastics. As shows go, I liked ER the best. Supported by a real life doctor, Michael Crichton, who seems to be nearly a success at everything, including techno thriller writing, ER has finally ran its long course, long after “The Clooney” (right) parted for mega money, power-ball style on the big screen. (Michael Clayton…gotta see. Leatherheads, well, I might be interested. ) But the role of doctor on this show usually involves using some fast action to keep a patient flopping, and then later, some horizontal bopping with a very smart, but seemingly unaware of the doctor tango, nurse or nurses. Granted, it keeps the show on the air, since sex sells, but are all ER Doctors, that interested in the female anatomy of their coworkers? (Since I’ve seen some not so pretty nurses…)

Medical Examiner. I want to say Quincy, M.E. was the first of his kind, TV wise. The crime fighting examiner of the after the crime took place was CSI before really cool technology was around. I was only a young kid, but I thought Jack Klugman was pretty cool doing his due diligence in actually getting to the bottom of a situation. He was an ass chaser too – not that that should be a perk – but that was only after he got his man or woman.

The corporate clog. Yes, this is what Uncle Sam and the Illuminati want us to be. The good ole push-the-broom, run-the-copier-machine, type until carpal tunnel takes over worker bee that keeps the taxes flowing in and the misery flowing out. Where a feudal lord at heart never gets too upset to see his peasants doing the tasks assigned to make the coinage come in. Working was a TV show that I related to in that sense. (Since I was just starting out on the Road to Never-Do-Wellville.) This comedy made so much sense to me…that it probably meant I had no cents. (Or sense…)
But Devo had a nice revival on the TV Theme Song, “Working in a Coal Mine”:

Well I been workin’ in a coal mine
Goin down down
Workin’ in a coal mine
Whew about to slip down
Five oclock in the mornin’
I’m up before the sun
When my work day is over
I’m too tired for havin’ fun

It is not that I really wanted to be a corporate clog…but it is so easy to slip into that little drainage ditch of society. We breed and teach this at an early age, the whole, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” Tons of books on it too. I read some of them. Learning about Flight Engineers, Astronauts, Firemen, Lawyers, Business Managers, Baseball Players, etc. On CNBC, they have a show called the Millionaire Inside where a rich real estate lady pretty much summed up the idea that people were indoctrinated to work for betters, for the good of their will and their ideals from almost birth. We are educated that way.

And lo, what light through yonder window breaks, but your ass working for THE MAN.

So when asked again, “what do you do for a living?” Say, “I’m a Pirate. I cut throats for me gold and don’t serve any master.” (Then, prepare for the committal to your local Bellevue mental ward.)

But you could just say, “I Don’t Wanna Be a Pirate!” and go on watching TV and pretending you are not just another bee in a hive. And Uncle Sam will check his numbers, and see, that yep,
134, 567, 891 people are slogging away on his fuedal farmGotta love Capitalism!

Devo’s song:


Future Posts: Just a list of things I want to write

Today, I don’t have an exact clue as to where to begin. Instead, I’ll give you a list of future posts that you’ll see here in the next month. Like Hollywood, I have to give you a prequel of the exciting work of a free and maybe sometimes, unabashed, wanna-be writer.

The History of the Joke – I started this post one night after watching a History channel special hosted by Lewis Black. (left) I wanted to inject some humor, and some serious thoughts on the concept of humor in America. I was looking for a risqué, almost piggish viewpoint on this topic. I abandoned the post. But it will get done.

A Personal American History: Where we all come from – In more recent years, I have had to come to grips with some personal history which, although it does not define me, it is in the blood (or roots) of who I am. I haven’t mentioned it in any posts, though one blogger friend might remember an email related to that subject. It involved famous and infamous Americans that I am related to. But more to the point, it reflects that all of us as people likely have a skeleton or two hanging in our closets. (I have a small army…)

A Faux Inaugural address 2009 – What a neat writing task: to lay out an address to the United States of America. To speak with flowery prose, interject a plan for the future and have many, many millions take to heart (or to task) your words. Daunting, some might say. Whomever the speechwriter is, they get the fun of giving over to their most idyllic vision in the manner of a glorious speech. (an excerpt from Kennedy’s Inaugural address below:)

In the long history of the world, only a few generations have been granted the role of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger. I do not shrink from this responsibility — I welcome it.

I do not believe that any of us would exchange places with any other people or any other generation. The energy, the faith, the devotion which we bring to this endeavor will light our country and all who serve it. And the glow from that fire can truly light the world.

And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.

My fellow citizens of the world, ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.

…If we shall suppose that American slavery is one of those offenses which, in the providence of God, must needs come, but which, having continued through His
appointed time, He now wills to remove, and that He gives to both North and South this terrible war as the woe due to those by whom the offense came, shall we discern therein any departure from those divine attributes which the believers in a living God always ascribe to Him? Fondly do we hope, fervently do we pray, that this mighty scourge of war may speedily pass away. Yet, if God wills that it continue until all the wealth piled by the bondsman’s two hundred and fifty years of unrequited toil shall be sunk, and until every drop of blood drawn with the lash shall be paid by another drawn with the sword, as was said three thousand years ago, so still it must be said “the judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether.”

Hack: The Jolly Roger Chronicles – Yes, I haven’t exactly forgotten about the pulp fiction. It has to work on two levels: that of the present day forays into the world of scriptwriting AND the portrayal of 16-18th century pirates. Stay tuned…