7 year itch: Remembrance of What was

7 years ago tomorrow, I took the LSAT. At that moment in time, I was under some spell that reflected I could do things, in attempting to resurrect my quirky talent in school and gaining some headway into the “normalcy” of living, beyond my run-of-the-mill IE job.

I had taken a summer course on Con Law at the local university extension, hoping to do better in school than I had in my undergraduate education. I did – obtaining the 2nd highest grade in the class and a written recommendation from the attorney who taught the course, Bruce Andis.

After the course, and before the test, I went to the Chicago Hilton for a admissions conference to various law schools. It was a really nice place to meet and greet people from various parts of the Midwest, that believed in doing a career in law. (Which at times was not what I was after…)

I remember one striking woman from William & Mary law school, a recent 1st year attendee. She was going to pursue a tort law career and seemed excited by the prospect. After talking to her for 10 minutes, she had done the “sell” of the career. I’m sure she’s a “fine” lawyer…

But, the dream was dead on arrival. Within a week of that test, I had my falling out with a woman, and the hits just kept on a rollin’. (And of course, she knew about this little dream…and made it her objective to stop it.)

I wanted to do patent law or environmental law. Those things seemed harmless and more up my alley than anything criminally-related. (I didn’t have a revenge motive – most lawyers do – to get back at someone, or retaliate against a verdict gone wrong. The rest are just living up (or down) to their family’s wishes. My family had no wishes at all for me. By the way, I score a 155 on the test with little preparation for it. Not good, but better than my college roomate who is the lead prosecutor in the county I live. Joy. He has a revenge motive.)

So, 7 years of as a one commenter to the blog put it, “A LIFE GOING NOWHERE.”

I lost a best friend in the transfer of time. We haven’t spoken in 6 1/2 years. Likely, he has a child, since he was engaged to be married. It was amazing all the times he screwed up, and landed on his feet, due to luck or bail out by family or friends (like me.) When I screwed the pooch, or got screwed, he was dismissive and showing his “tough love.”

Tough Love. It is rather absurd to say you love someone in being tough. I didn’t need a lesson at the time – and his disappearance made the lesson all too clear: I got things goin’ good and it’s more important. Funny thing was, his pending nuptials were not always done the most honest way. He lied about his continued gambling; and his penchant for porn.

But no matter. The date on the calendar just reminds me of where I was, physically, mentally and emotionally. All of which gets me, “GOING NOWHERE FAST.”

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Comments

  • Cooper  On October 7, 2007 at 7:49 pm

    Well are there things you can do to get it going somewhere?

  • Bipolar Wellness Writer  On October 9, 2007 at 10:41 pm

    Dear JayPee,
    I think it’s natural–particularly when things are difficult–to look back on “better” times and think “what if?”

    For me, I’ve learned that it’s more important to say to myself, “Where am I today? Where do I want to be a year from now? How can I get there?”

    By the way, I saw an old film last night that you’d probably love. It’s the Lou Gehrig story with Gary Cooper. It was hugely inspirational, cornball but sweet, and his last speech brought on a flood of tears!

    Susan

  • JayPeeFreely  On October 10, 2007 at 3:48 pm

    Yep, that movie is definitely a tearjerker..towards the end.

    It is always interesting how much actors have to do in order to pull off the fake baseball they play.

    Anthony Perkins (Psycho) played a ballplayer (I forget who, Jimmy Piersall??) and looked funny trying to throw a baseball.

    As for the rest, I think that time became my own tragedy in the vein of what others have conceive of 9/11. It resonated farther along than I wanted it to.

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