What I Want Out of Life: Doesn’t everyone?

This isn’t the first attempt to put into words what I would like my life to be like. Aside from the beaches and the freedom of wind, water and sun a plenty, I would like to know my life has a greater meaning, day to day. Waking up to a to-do list. No way. Waking up to a feel like doing list. Yeah, that more like it.
I don’t want deadlines and constraints on my time because it stifles. Everyone has greater ability to do more useful things, if the yoke is not too heavy on us. The ability to ponder greater, and sometimes, mundane things (to see if it can be done quicker, more effectively, less costly in dollars and time) would be nice.
Right now, I don’t like my life. It is boring and lacks a purpose. Comes with the broader terrain I’ve travelled in the past decade plus of my life. That terrain was never supercharged with opportunities. (I didn’t always network or put myself on display.) In fact, it had downturns few could understand or survive without long-lasting scars. As a result, I can not change my stars alone. And my barriers to entry are too high.
My immediate family is (or has) been negative or unfamilar with the thoughts I have of leaving them. (There are no kids…so it isn’t that bad, if I do.) It may sound selfish, but then the founder of Buddhism was pretty selfish in his search for meaning. He found it. Many more do not.
  • Where do I want to go? Warm, inviting to senses, in stark contrast to the Midwest of the United States I’ve lived around for twenty-five years, aside for a year in Virginia Beach, VA.
  • What do I want to do? Be Hemingway. Or at least, live like a Hemingway – without the depression and his last decision….
  • Can I get there? Only if I can abandon much, figure out how to pay to live, and get there via some connection.
  • Is it that wonderful there? Probably not. Problems exist everywhere. If an island was empty but for food, shelter and some way to access human entertainment (books, sports, movies) then I could survive.
  • Sounds like a bum? We are all bums – just a matter of degree. Why, oh why do I want to be involved in the humdrum of this world? I have only a small probability of mattering enough to change it. (I want to change it…but I lack the power. Acceptance is the operative word.)
From day to day, some out there get to do amazing things. Some do these and value them appropriately. Others are almost oblivious to their work and ideas. Others complain about it.
I can tell you right now my life has not been fulfilled, even in writing this, but I need it to change.
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Comments

  • Sureindran Raja Silvam  On May 9, 2007 at 7:15 am

    i guess everyone has the same idea about life…maybe almost everyone. People who notice space for improvements in their personal life are those who likely to achieve great thinngs in the end. Cool entry!

  • Wonder Woman  On May 9, 2007 at 8:19 am

    I am currently re-evaluating my life, setting goals, and trying to get to the core of what has made me so unhappy in recent years. I’ve learned a lot as I’ve lived, and I aknowlege that. I do know that I have many self defeating behaviors. I’m just barely digging down to my real problems, not just the surface problems that I deal with on a daily basis. It’s hard not to get caught up in the day to day and ignore the most important issues pertaining to happiness. As I search to find my peace, I hope you find your happiness. I’m sending my hope and good wishes your way. We can improve the quality of our lives. We must.

  • Bipolar Wellness Writer  On May 11, 2007 at 12:54 am

    JP,
    I think that everyone with a brain and a heart goes through periods of wondering what they should be doing with their lives. It’s never easy but we all need to find our passions and pursue them.

    Can you can make a living doing something connected to baseball? Just wondering.

    I wanted to let you know that I’ve just found your blog and I’m enjoying it even though baseball isn’t my thing.

    But we must be on the same wavelength somewhere because I love “Heroes.” My son introduced me to it and we’re addicted.

    Best!

    Susan

  • Richard and Carol Webb  On May 14, 2007 at 10:55 am

    JP.,
    I can hear the misery in your voice, and long to be able to let you know that it doesn’t have to be like this.

    I know that you have visited my web site, and hope that you were able to get something that you needed.

    Contact me by email at keystoattainment@btinternet.com and we can chat about how best to start you off on your ‘real’ journey.
    Blessings
    Carol…

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